title

title

dreams.

if you asked me, whether i'm okay with losing you? no, i'm not okay, it hurts.
i don't wannt you to leave. but what i'm aware of, is that you have to leave.
cause i know, you have a dream, and you're doing your best to make it come true.
i love you, more that i can tell, and more than i know.
but i don't want to be a barrier, between you, and your dream.
cause i don't want you to face regrets, of choosing me.
i can't stand it, to see you looked sad.
i always want you to be happy.
so, don't worry about me, just go, do what you have to do.
don't make any promises to me, i want you to be free.
i hope you'll get everything you have ever dream of.
and if one day, you still remember me,i will be more than greatful..

i watched a muvee, and i reminds me of how bad a decision one can make in love. i have. whenever i think i found sum1, i started to think, what if its not love, what if i think i like him because, he's always there, what if i actually love him and he is actually not, and it scared the hell out of me. What if what i feel makes him hurt me, what if he hurt me? What if he left me? What if he's gone or died? It would have been the end of me. So I cut it short, before he ever could. i ran away, fighting my own will as hard as i could, and you know what? It was the biggest mistake I ever made. i still misses him, i want to talk to him, but i cant. the things i did push him away from me, over and over again, unintentionally. So, for you ppl out there, you've got to risk love! I didn't and look at me. It doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love. And from someone who's felt a lot of both trust me, pain beats regret each and everyday.  Don't run away. Just don't. When you feel like you've found someone special, someone that is close to your heart, take a shot. Who knows? things might be a whole lot better, biala malu pon, coz the feeling of ashamed or embarrassment or even rejected will fade away eventually, but not the regret. Dear friend, take care~...

N.

it's 3 in d morning, and I'm still up trying to focus in writing my report on fatty acids determinations. what is that..? ish ish ish...haha...tp tabole na focus pon..tgk la ni..melilau bwat blog plak..haha..

nk tau..? i gt new plans for my future..oredi told my umi..n as usual she told my abah..haha...but thats okay..haha...tiz is my newest future plan..ah...abah da bg greenlite utk keje cuti nih..ak ingt na apply la..klo ckop duet bole pg amek lesen scuba..haha...xpon jln2..mkn angin...tp..ckp, ckp jgk...ntah leh dpt ke x ak nih..al mklumla..first time na mntk keje..ntah2 interview pon tak lepas..haha..tp xpe...at least i tried..huhu..*hopes high mode evrybody~...* (^_^)v

N.

questions.

hi~...i hvnt update my blog since the end of august..and its not that i didnt have anything to share, i do, but maybe my mood didnt seem right for me to led out anyting, i guess..i was sooooo tired, didnt have enuf rest, dont sleep well, keep having migrain, and i'm quite not myself for the past few weeks. I found myself to be lost in thought really often, and i start to think bout everything...studies, future, life, and things doesnt seems right, i cant rily led myself to be "out there". No matter wut i do, where i am, my mind kept flewing sumwhere else, i was just not 'there'. I hate to be like this, as life wuz moving on, no matter we like it or not, we just had to move along, bcoz its our life, we got to decide, ant we have and we need to choose our path, but, when theres come a moment when things became so unclear and unsure, and you keep hesitate on deciding and choosing your path, everything doesnt seems right, and you? you'll keep thinking; "what to choose?", "where do i go?", "what if, what if i make a mistake, and things will never be better?", "what'll happen if it turns out to be the wrong choice?", "will it end up making me happy?", then everything will come to this sort of question.."what am i doing?", "thing'll be better, wont they?", " i'll find my answers soon, wont i?"..you know, as this things happen, you'll just realize that you're at 'pause', but unfortunately, your life still moving on, choosing its own path, and you'll might feel lost, as you're trying to cope up with your own life, you'll be more tired, very very tired, n you're lost in your own life. and maybe, u'll start to hate urself for it. How could this be?, What should you do?, How do you unpause yourself? What will you do?....and the worse part is....its still remain questions...still remain unanswered...or maybe it dont rily need to be answered, is it?...but 1 thing, i believe that things'll be better, entho it's juz for a moment, eventho this one thing that'll make u happy will be followed by another 10 things that'll make u feel terible, but thats okay, that 1 happy moment is still happening, and it's yours, and it still make you happy, even for a moment. Believe in fate, and always have faith. It doesnt matter whether ppl believe or even know bout it or not, wut matter is wut u truly feels bout wut happen, all the thing that surrounds u, thing dat'll make u happy, n make u believe that u are a better person now. And another thing i've learn, you shud b urself, ppl dont know u, u do, do all the things that u want to, speaks if u must, make a wishlist or wutever u called it, makes your life worth, if you love sumone, just love them; if you dont, just dont..express yourself, hope n dreams wont hurt, but if u fail to achieve it, thats okay, you'll still gain sumting in return, n you're dont rily failed, but u just doesnt achieve it yet~...

N.

There's a song i wud like to share wif u ppl, it's called Prettiest Friend by Jason Mraz. I personally think that it is a beautiful song. Sad, but beautiful. hehe. Try to listens to tiz song. U'll love it, hopefully. Make me think, reminisce bout someting. So, hear it out, i got d lyrics here. have fun. take care~...

N.


this is what i look like today
and i'm trying not to pull out my hair
i'm trying not to show it cause i'm far too shy to grow it back there
that's probably why i like wearing hats
there's no denying i'm deferring the facts
avoiding confrontation
lacks tact in a situation
behind every line is a lesson yet to learn

but if you ask me
the feeling that i'm feeling is overwhelming
and oh it goes to show
there's so much to know

i wrote this for my prettiest friend
but while trying not to prove that i care
trying not to make all my moves in one motion and scare her away
she can't see she's making me crazy now
i don't believe she knows she's amazing how
she has me holding my breathe
so i'd never guess that i'm a none such unsuitable, suitable for her

and if you ask me
the feeling that i'm feeling is complimentery
and oh it goes to show
the moral of the story is boy loves girl
and so on but the way that it unfolds is yet to be told

i know that i should be brave
even pretty can be seen by the blind
i know that i cannot wait
until the day we finally learn how to find each other
redefining open minds


and if you ask me
the feeling that i'm feeling is overjoyed
and it's golden, it goes to show then
the ending of this song should be left alone
and so on cause the way it unfolds is yet to be told

Because of you, mini camera~...

Waaa…at 1.23pm today, do you know what I’m doin? At my desk, wif laptop, my physics work, n me drinking, my gold Nescafe, nk ilangkn ngantok..puase da batal daa~..ishk3..do you know why….? Ha..? no no no..haha..its not what u’re thinking~..huhu..

Mcm ni cite de..Today, at 8 in the morning, I went to Gleneagles hospital to do some med check up. Willingly? Naah..i was forced, umi forced me, sbb lately I keep having tiz headache, sort of migraine, everyday, da la kne mara sbb I left my medical card at my house at shah alam. Yela, if ade kad tux yah bayar, buang duit je melabur bnyk2 nih, xbest..hehe..Ishk3..pagi2 da kene mara..wuuuu~..haha..tp xpe..hidup kne sentiase hepi, so utk hepi kite knela bwat2 xpeduli a.k.a buwat bodo jek..hehe..So, tanpa mmbawa medical card itu, I went to Gleneagles, and asked them “aa, akak, tumpang tanye boley x? I want to see the doctor but I didn’t bring my pmcare medical card, u can call pmcare and verify with them right akak? This is my ic *bg de ic*” then, tut tut tut~..de call pmcare..eii panjang pulak nak cite sume, so conclusionnye, i dapat jgk jmpe doctor tanpa kad itu..hehehe..tp da jumpe doctor tu, die check check check, de suro pegi refer to specialist pulak..adedeh, nasib baik umi ade, kalau umi xikot tadi, mesti I da balik da, malas nak pegi jumpe, confirm punye~..hehe..masuk clinic specialist kt Gleneagles tu kene tunggu satu jam pulak, sebab ramai, ni la nasib badan bile pegi xbuwat appointment dulu..ishk3..umi malas nak tunggu, die pon chow, saye pon ape lagi, mengambil kesempatan utk tido la kat situ..hehe..ngantok la..sedap pulak tido kt situ, serius nii~..hehe..bile jumpe doctor tu, de tanye banyak, adeke patut de tanye skolah form brape? Aish..no la doctor, I’m at uitm..;


“oo..what course r u taking?”

“hurm~..bac. in forensic analysis”

“waa~..forensic aa? Wow, so ure dealing with dead bodies..?”

“aaa..not rily, I’m juz in a first year, doin lab analysis”

“ooo..so ure doin analysis..? d fingerprints n all that stuff? very good..”

“erk..kinda..yeah..hehe..”


Conversation continues~….


Then, he said that he nid to enter a camera thru my nose n mouth to observe my condition. Oh, mann~..this is so not cool, I mean, it is cool, but..i’m fasting, so, it’s not so cool anymore la kn..then, doctor tu tunjuk kt tv tu hows my internal looks like, haha..suke2..sangat menarik~..hehe..so, sbb tu la my pause da batal..hehe, all clear murid2..? good~..hehe..skrg ni pukol 3.13ptg..nti saye sambong lagi ye..hee.. (:

N.